Where I sit in a hot bath, infused with chocolate rose bath salts, sipping on a Lemonade/Cherry/Belvedere mixture, I am forced to look back over the missing time, and thoughts not yet written, but which still bounce through my head like a low velocity .22 inside my skull (too much CSI?)
Highlights or details? Angelina and I are no more. She loved me but was never in love with me. 40k too late. Yes, I saw the signs. Yes, logic told me that long ago. Yes, a few friends warned me after a major incident about a year ago. Did I listen to myself or them? No. Why? Ever been in love? Really truly give up your life for them in love? Yeah. Moving on……
Surgery for SRS/GRS/GCS whatever it is called (vaginaplasty). Set for flight out on May 7th, surgery on May 9th……. cancelled due to no longer having sufficient funds. Trust me, don’t try to contact me for those 3 days. Please.
I still absolutely and completely fear interviewing for a new job. So no interviews yet. Which means… yeah. And since I don’t get unemployment benefits, do the math.
I’m pseudo dating 3 awesome women. I care for all three as friends first, but quite readily admit I am physically attracted to them. Fortunately for me they are all poly. One has a prime, someone I admire and respect, and have the blessing of otherwise I wouldn’t be even talking to her. I don’t mess with other people’s relationships. That’s just being an asshat. So I go forward at their pace, they knowing I care be have no desire to own them. As a friend put it, I hold them closely, but gently and lightly.
What do they have in common? Almost nothing…. except for one thing. One very important thing: Honesty. Openness. I hope I give it back in the same measure. It makes all the difference. Not worrying that if you say something you will loose the ‘one’ allows so much more honesty. And you don’t hold back. No unspoken thoughts means much better communication. For those interested I suggest checking out “The Ethical Slut”. ‘Ethical’ being the key word.
I am slowwwwwwly working on going back to school for my MFT license. Money again is an issue, so I’ll see.
My daughter makes me smile, no filters and such love for her girl. I know things aren’t where she’d like, but relationships take work. ‘B’ is vagabonding. He’s slated to go into the Navy in November. Nukes. Wow. I hope he pays attention 🙂 ‘A’ is still at college. Getting better. He has life to work out, but a lifetime to do it in. Music is his love, will it be his vocation though? Does one kill the other? R is R. Currently mad at me because I wont live life his way. I just want him to live his life.
Which brings me to now. There’s lots missing and I might fill in later, but it’s a start. So I sit here in the bath taking another sip as I contemplate the cooling water and getting up, drying off, and moving my naked ass from the bath to the bed…. From here…