Tale of Two Cities

From here…..

where it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Where the day started off wonderfully. I woke late after sleeping in. Actually though I slept in because I was up till 2:30 to make sure Megan got off on time. More on -that- later,

The temp had dropped today and there was still a cool breeze blowing through my second story balcony windows. I stretched and enjoyed the morning….or what was left of it at 9:15. Rising to a leisurely shower (yeah for finally having gas and hot water) shave, dressing and makeup I made my way to the car. Heading for LBC I was slightly frustrated by the traffic but not much. Arriving I went to the bank holding the trust account and checked the balance. WOOOOT. The house money was in. Two cashiers checks made out and 500 in cash. I put one check and the cash in an envelope.

I drove over to the family home, and chatted with my youngest. The ex was out yard sailing and checking out St Vincent’s. I wrote on the envelope “Good luck and Best Wishes, -A” . I left and called her cell to leave a message. I then drove to the storage locker and then the old condo and checked for mail..nope. Jump on the freeway headed for a 12PM volunteer meeting (TYFA).

At this point the day went south. Way south.

A call from work, the printers are down. After trying to trouble shoot on the phone I sighed and said I’d come in. Phone rings again. I’m running late now and traffic has turned into a parking lot. Can you be here in 5 minutes? No. We’ll have to reschedule then. Sigh. Hang up. Phone rings again as I am driving to work. Unknown number. Whatever. Answering it. “Hello?” “Hi baby..um, customs won’t let me through” FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU…..
head.steering wheel. thud. repeat.

It seems unless you have a listed stay time with a prepaid round trip ticket, enough clothes for said trip, and a verifiable address they won’t let you past customs to boards the plane. I dislike terrorists, but I dislike more that we are more hostages now than we’ve ever been, and by our own hand.

She said that she was going to try to make it back, but that her keys were locked in her car….. Then the voice “Please deposit another 40 cents for the next minute….. Damn it!! Line goes dead. On pins and needles for 4 hours. I try and find things to occupy my time. Finally she logs in. She’s made it and she covered herself. She was able to break into her car and drive the last bit home.

Now what to do. Her suggestions….. Xmas rush? Spring at Niagra? Marry and bring her here legally after the transition…F!!!

If I have to wait that long, I won’t be waiting. That’s not a threat, just a fact. I can’t do that. Not for that long. I’m sorry, but I know my limits. I was angry, frustrated, sad, crying, screaming, manic. I can’t go on for another year or two not knowing. And if she decides not to follow me? Or if it is too late for her? I’m already crushed and it hasn’t been a day. My phone alarm went off earlier to tell me to go to the airport to pick her up. I almost threw it out the window. After a while I couldn’t IM with her anymore and I didn’t want to talk to her. I knew I’d loose it one way or another.

So I am hanging on by a thread. The Ex is paid off (this isn’t blood money, it’s a fee nothing more). She chatted for an hour late this afternoon. Of course I couldn’t tell her about this. She knows about Megan…almost all of it, but is unaware that Meg was coming today. Perhaps that was a blessing in disguise.

So I try to follow my own advice and remember to breath. But my chest is tight and my eyes are wet, and I don’t know what to do or say now. I’m trying to hold on…..

… to there.

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