From here…..
But when did it all really start. Looking back down the path of time I look at moments caught as if still life portraits caught in a camera lens. The subject unaware of what was happening, and only later looking at the photograph, old, faded, and corners worn finally realizes what was going on when it was taken.
click.
A picture of a small child wearing an over sized dress and heels, dancing in a room alone.
click.
A picture of a small boy looking at his new sister being changed and then looking down at himself.
click.
A picture of the little boy taking a shower and trying to hide his genitals between his legs.
click…..click.
A picture of a young teenager performing oral sex on another boy, pretending he was his girlfriend.
click.
A picture of the young man in a store walking the aisles and reaching out to feel that hand and smoothness of the silk and satin robes. Then pulling it back as someone walks by.
…..click…
A picture of the young man in college, cutting his wrists unable to understand or take why he felt different.
click.
A picture of the young man joining the military after dropping out of college after his first year.
whirrr…click.
Pictures of the young man dancing with a woman and happy, sleeping with the woman and being happy, going to the beach with a man and sleeping with him happy.
CLICK.
picture of the young man with a young woman, obviously in love with each other, in Monterey, in San Jose, in Germany…suddenly sadness in the last frame as we notice the woman going off with another man.
click.
The young man back in college, and having dinner with a wonderful woman…and you can tell he’s in love again, and so is she.
pause…click?
Picture of the young man returning from a date, removing his pants to reveal panties and stockings.
click.
A picture of the man and woman getting married. The look on their faces shows amazing happiness.
Click
A child, a son.
click.
Another son.
click.
Another son.
Click…..click.
The man getting a vasectomy and the woman, his wife bursting into tears.
click.
The two on a couch tense. Kids playing on the floor.
click.
The family moving into a house that they’d bought. The two parents happy, giggling and kissing.
Click.
The two shopping and the man helping his wife pick out clothes. Without prodding.
click?
A picture of the wife seeing her husband in women’s clothes.
click, click.
Pictures of the fights that followed, the tears, the yelling, the making up, and the passionate love making.
click.
Pictures like the ones before, but they are both older..he has some grey.
click…..ting. Chimes ring.
A picture of an older woman in a hospital being attended by her grey haired son.
click.
A picture of the man touching silk panties and then buying them.
click.
Black limousines on a rainy day with umbrellas.
click…packing..click…crying…..click…yelling…click…staring off into the ocean from the end of the breakwater, feeling the waves crash against the rocks and spraying the man. Wondering what would happen if he stepped off.
click..click.
A picture of the man in a comfy chair….an unknown person sits across from him with a notepad and a shocked expression.
CLICK..Thud.
A picture of him on the couch at home and the same expression on his wife’s face.
muffled click.
The two crying as the man packs a bag. She has a questioning look and is pointing at a picture of him. He’s shaking his head and pointing at a picture of a woman.
click.
A picture of the man sitting on the edge of a bed. His pants are on a chair neatly folded. We catch a glimpse of the hypodermic needle as he is thrusting it into his upper thigh.
click.
The final picture in the album. The man in tight jeans, a blouse, makeup and heels throwing an old beaten up shoe box, with some papers and photographs sticking out the side into the dumpster.
click…
We wait for the next picture to develop.
…….to there.
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