Witching hour…

From here….

….. I look at the clock. Almost witching hour again. My apologies to The Lady Dreamweaver. Perhaps there is a better turn of phrase, but I can’t think of it right now. Feeling morose, and noticing how dark this all sometimes gets….Who said it’s always darkest before…dawn? a storm? something. Even if I am up all night I will still be waiting for dawn to break. It’s not that ball of heat and light rising into the morning sky, but rather the dawn that breaks the darkness within us, sees us through to a new day.

My thoughts bounce around in my head like gamma rays with Schroedinger’s cat in a box. I look back at those like Dreamweaver and Cameron’s warlock that I have battled in the past. No concept of winning, only being able to achieve a draw, where the other reluctantly sulks away into the night. I see the bright lights of Orion in the sky and think of the elder gods who spoke to me in the hills long ago. I see the orange glow against the clouds and see the fires sweeping through consuming everything in their path. I see a shoe and think of the well thought of and respected man I saw die in front of me…..with holes in both of his shoes. I see the clock again and I think of the time lost that we can never get back…the song……. The world we knew won’t come back The time we’ve lost can’t get back The life we had won’t be ours again…..

This world will never be what I expected. And if I don’t belong……..

It’s not too late, it’s never to late.

What was I expecting? A vision? Inner peace?

Chatted on line and talked with Megan till 10:30. I should be asleep, but wanted to get this out of me. She’s wonderful…but we both worry we won’t be what the other wants or needs. She knows I love her, and I know she loves me…so why the fear? Is it perhaps love is not always enough? I guess…..I know it wasn’t enough to keep me and my ex together. I’m not on the rebound, but I still think fondly of her. I couldn’t have stayed, and she couldn’t have had me stay. That wasn’t in the cards. Too many jokers in this deck.

I keep on slipping into the future. Setting the darkness behind. Reaching out a hand to those I love, helping them as far as they are willing to go…

….to there.